I decided to start writing thank you notes to the various objects that
are helping me get through un(der)employment. This edition is dedicated to Social Media App.
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Dear Social Media App,
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Dear Social Media App,
As you
might have heard because I told you using emoticons, way too many exclamation
marks*, and a vague reference to Gandhi, I am once again riding the tides of
un(der)employment. My friends and colleagues have kindly reached out with fake
epithets of sympathy, though as you well know, Social Media App, most are
occupied taking pictures of their food and posting the bike route exercise
regimen GPS very well knows they did not actually complete.
These
past few years, I have tried my level best to make a career change. Alas
finding something that speaks to my intellectual curiosity, skill set, desire
to make more than a cashier and need to not make the world a shittier place
than before has largely impeded this process. In fact, thirteen replies on my
post about the perils of un(der)employment were to make my way to the start-up
world to work on you, Social Media App. Though a solid suggestion, when the
question,
“So why
do you want to work for us?”
comes up,
I always find my mind wandering to the policy and advocacy work I am currently
doing to help marginalized voices be heard. Sure, your creators reason,
Social Media App directly led to the suicides of 17 people and started a human
trafficking ring in Latin America last year, but there’s unlimited coffee and
granola bars in the office!
Now I
know, Social Media App, that I use you in a way to suggest that even in my low
points, I am unequivocally amazing. That’s because I genuinely think this is
true. But what is also true is that narcissism, “is not considered a strength”
in applications for employment.
So, I
have decided to turn over a new leaf on you, Social Media App. While Facebook benefited from my ability to straight out lie, I know the kids these days are
using you to vent serious insecurities about their lives. After all, nothing
screams intimacy more than setting your privacy settings to “public humiliation”.
Over the
next few weeks, I will be posting a series of anecdotes highlighting
particularly traumatizing and unnerving periods of my life. Through wit,
photos, and hashtags, I will expose myself on you, Social Media App. This
may result in you prompting me to seek medical attention and buy self-help
books that truly do make me want to die, but in the end, I know this public
display of catharsis is exactly what the un(der)employment doctor ordered.
I guess what I am really
trying to say is that I would like to apply for the position of Social Media
App Evangelist. I hope you will take this cover letter as proof that I still don't get how you're different from Facebook.
All the
Best,
Mala
*The
correct number is one. It’s always one.
