Unemployment Object Memoirs: A Tribute to Mars Robot

I decided to write thank you notes to the various objects that are helping me get through unemployment. This edition is dedicated to Mars Robot.

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Dear Mars Robot,

As we have never met, I want to start by formally introducing myself. I’m Mala. Yeah…

I recently made the discovery that the interwebs not only has pictures of important things, like cute puppies and hoodies, but also contains the news! After reading about three stories that discuss the merits of cute puppies wearing hoodies, I stumbled on this article about you, Mars Robot. It appears the rocket scientists at NASA have stopped debating whether Pluto is a planet, and have come to the conclusion that we will one day need to inhabit Mars since we screwed up Earth so badly.

Seeing as I am still under the influence of unemployment, I decided that instead of doing something lame with my time, like reading a book or thinking, I will instead start a new country on Mars: Malastan. I know the name has no apparent connection to me, but since the countries of Turkmenistan, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, and Kazakhstan are so well known, easily spelled, and peaceful, I figured I too, should have a stan.

Sadly, Mars Robot, it seems as though you need an extra $1 billion to complete your work before I can start Malastan. It is for this reason I write you this letter. I would like to help, Mars Robot. I have decided that I will participate in a walk-a-thon to raise that extra $1 billion for you! I even started a Facebook page! The event will take place next Sunday, from 2 – 4 PM in Central Park. I plan on walking an upwards of 4 miles, and already have 5 supporters! All I am asking of these supporters is to donate $50 million per mile I walk, and you’ll be set, Mars Robot! Do you prefer cash or check?

Since I have single-handedly solved your budget crisis, Mars Robot, I thought I would take this opportunity to run a few ideas for the country of Malastan by you. Let me know what you think. Email works. I also have a cell phone, which may or may not be working. I am not entirely sure since no one has called me since I fell under the influence of unemployment. But enough of the sob stories, what do you think?

Flag: Belgium’s tri-color with a giant ‘M?’ embroidered on the front

Anthem: World Town, by M.I.A. (do copyright laws extend to Mars?)

Constitution: Something that embodies the spirit of rights and diverse opinions, unless the opinions are different than mine.

Currency: I was thinking about chocolate coins, but apparently Mars can get really hot.

Capital: New York City (Should have mentioned that I plan on taking NYC with me.)

Also, I would like to emphasize that all citizens of Malastan are entitled to two custom-fitted black t-shirts, a JOB, and season 7 of Will and Grace. Oh yeah, and food, housing, blah blah blah.

Okay, thanks for the input, Mars Robot!

With political savvy,

Mala