Dear Bussines Proposal,
A few years back, I ran into a very severe case of unemployment, which effectively shut down my body and forced me to watch copious amounts of Netflix. After slogging through endless hours of shows that were neither educational nor entertaining, I decided to use my down time as a journey of self-exploration...until I realized self-exploration costs a sh*t ton of money. Instead, I started this blog to pay tribute to the objects that helped me through that most devastating case of unemployment.
In the time since my last entry, I have established an amazing career involving tiny seats on planes, badges that UNdo any chance of integrating with mainstream America, rapping in French to bond with colleagues, and a persistent need to take notes on fancy pads of paper while failing to remember how to spell basic words, like bussines. Alas, after my whirlwind adventure, I find myself in a period I have branded "transition", so as to avoid the the reality that I am once again, unemployed.
Over the years, I have come to realize that pretty much everyone who chose stability regrets not following their dreams, and pretty much everyone who followed their dreams regrets not be able to afford dinner. Having fallen somewhere in the middle, I decided to pull myself out of this bout of unemployment with you, Bussines Proposal. Yes, I have decided to start my own company!
Of course every good new venture involves three key ingredients, as enumerated in an article I read on LinkedIn written by a guy who inherited his parents' company:
- A kickass logo
- All of your friends in high places
- A limousine
Seeing as my career has focused on the application of technology and international development, I have decided to make a logo that both reflects my company's essence and is easily recognizable: a Facebook "Like" thumb surrounded by a UN crest. In this way, potential clients will be assured of my company's credibility while prompted to spread the word on social media. Combined with targeted campaigns to increase my consumer base, I plan on amassing 20,000+ likes on the company Facebook page without a single person having any clue as what it is we do. Because let's be honest, Bussines Proposal, we have no idea, either.
In the case that the UN or Facebook gets angry we used their trademarks, I will be prepared. After years of networking with overpriced drinks and fake smiles, I have gathered an amazing group of friends whose last names I can sometimes remember. As most of these friends are now in a "transition" of their own, I have at my disposal all of the people needed to fill core functions of my company. Examples include:
So as you see, Bussines Proposal, I am well on my way to combating this regrettable case of unemployment. All that is left is defining the mission, scope, goals, objectives, and establishing funding streams. But I will leave that to our intern.
And they said that my career does not involve astute bussines acumen! UNbelievable!
With grandiose promises,
Mala
A few years back, I ran into a very severe case of unemployment, which effectively shut down my body and forced me to watch copious amounts of Netflix. After slogging through endless hours of shows that were neither educational nor entertaining, I decided to use my down time as a journey of self-exploration...until I realized self-exploration costs a sh*t ton of money. Instead, I started this blog to pay tribute to the objects that helped me through that most devastating case of unemployment.
In the time since my last entry, I have established an amazing career involving tiny seats on planes, badges that UNdo any chance of integrating with mainstream America, rapping in French to bond with colleagues, and a persistent need to take notes on fancy pads of paper while failing to remember how to spell basic words, like bussines. Alas, after my whirlwind adventure, I find myself in a period I have branded "transition", so as to avoid the the reality that I am once again, unemployed.
Over the years, I have come to realize that pretty much everyone who chose stability regrets not following their dreams, and pretty much everyone who followed their dreams regrets not be able to afford dinner. Having fallen somewhere in the middle, I decided to pull myself out of this bout of unemployment with you, Bussines Proposal. Yes, I have decided to start my own company!
Of course every good new venture involves three key ingredients, as enumerated in an article I read on LinkedIn written by a guy who inherited his parents' company:
- A kickass logo
- All of your friends in high places
- A limousine
Seeing as my career has focused on the application of technology and international development, I have decided to make a logo that both reflects my company's essence and is easily recognizable: a Facebook "Like" thumb surrounded by a UN crest. In this way, potential clients will be assured of my company's credibility while prompted to spread the word on social media. Combined with targeted campaigns to increase my consumer base, I plan on amassing 20,000+ likes on the company Facebook page without a single person having any clue as what it is we do. Because let's be honest, Bussines Proposal, we have no idea, either.
In the case that the UN or Facebook gets angry we used their trademarks, I will be prepared. After years of networking with overpriced drinks and fake smiles, I have gathered an amazing group of friends whose last names I can sometimes remember. As most of these friends are now in a "transition" of their own, I have at my disposal all of the people needed to fill core functions of my company. Examples include:
- Director of Lawyer Stuff
- Director of Lawyer Stuff 2 (Specializing in getting Facebook off my ass)
- Dentist
- Chief of Human Rights, Rebel Groups
- Head Data Miner
- Head Data Mimer
- Limousine Driver
- Software engineering intern who secretly does all the work
- Dictator/Holiday Party Planner
- Director of HR and getting rid of the term "Talent Scout" from the English language
- Vice-President
So as you see, Bussines Proposal, I am well on my way to combating this regrettable case of unemployment. All that is left is defining the mission, scope, goals, objectives, and establishing funding streams. But I will leave that to our intern.
And they said that my career does not involve astute bussines acumen! UNbelievable!
With grandiose promises,
Mala
No comments :
Post a Comment